Yulia Yaroslavskaya, Integral Psychotherapist from Kaliningrad (Russia) shared her understanding of the problem of violence in the family and society.
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– In your opinion, how widespread is the problem of violence in the family and in society today?
– I think it’s a huge-scale problem. It is necessary to distinguish, or rather merge: there is physiological violence, physical violence, but it is preceded by psychological violence. And since I know the scale of psychological violence which naturally transforms into physical violence, I understand that the scale is much wider and deeper than we even know from statistics.
-How important is it today not to remain silent and to speak openly about this problem?
-It’s very important. Because those people who are already in these stressful, difficult life situations, who already live with such aggressive people, they need support, they need information. They are so psychologically devastated at times that they do not feel confident or strong enough to do something about it, somehow solve this issue in their lives. And the very availability of information, the very fact that there will be people who will talk about it more and more will naturally be both information and support for these people.
-At the present moment, what actions can an individual and society as a whole take to eradicate such scourge as violence?
– Those who are already in these situations shouldn’t keep silent, shouldn’t tolerate, they should speak up about it, look for the ways out of such destructive families. On the part of law enforcement agencies, naturally, it is to give as much support and protection as possible to people who need protection. On the part of the authorities and the state, I believe that these people really need financial support, so that they would be able to just leave their tyrant husbands, abusive husbands. On the part of psychologists and psychotherapists, I think there should be activities directed at educating the population from the psychological point of view, informing them that this is not normal, that these are stereotypes, patterns of behavior, which get formed back in childhood; and at the household level this issue is usually not solved, that is, these people should be given as much support as possible.
– What exactly should this victim do in order to somehow get out of this difficult situation? Sometimes people are very intimidated, they are immersed in this problem and sometimes simply do not even see a way out. What should they do? How should they act? Maybe you can give some advice?
– No matter how tough it may sound, but there’s always an element of your own choice in everything. At the same time, as a woman, as a human, I treat these people with great compassion. At some moments, I have seen it in my life and in the lives of my loved ones. I know that it’s very difficult mentally and psychologically, but this woman is the only person who will eventually decide how she will live. Unfortunately, no matter how much support is given, the very decision of the victim, the participant of these events primarily affects the outcome of the events. That is, my advice is to make a clear decision for yourself, whether you want to tolerate it further and whether you want to raise your children further in this, or you want to change your life and create harmonious relationships for yourself, for your children, first of all.
-Thank you very much. Is there any way the society, neighbors, acquaintances can help the person who has fallen victim to such a problem to overcome it?
– Indifference is surely a huge problem in our society. It’s a really big problem. Sometimes people do pass by flagrant incidents and do nothing because they think it is none of their business. Of course, this is not the way to development and in the end it still concerns us, even though we do not deal with it now ourselves. I think that those who see that violence is happening, should do something, should say something. They have to tell the victims of this violence that they shouldn’t tolerate it. We have to do something, we should contact law enforcement agencies, I mean, we should shake this system, so that the statistics increases, so that the true information accumulates, so that the officials, the representatives of law enforcement agencies see the scale of this problem more and more and render support and protection to our people.
– How do you envision a creative and constructive society?
– Not only do I envision a creative and constructive society, I work on myself to be worthy of a creative society. I work with people. I work with my loved ones and actually communicate on this subject. A creative society is a society where Love for each other, respect and freedom flourish. Respect for each other’s freedom. Naturally, it is a society without violence.
– What could you wish our viewers?
– The most wonderful advice I know is that all you want to implement in this life, start implementing it in yourself. So, if we want a society without violence, we have to turn to ourselves and think about where we manifest this violence. Naturally, we should stop manifesting it and think about how these goals, these desires can be achieved not through violence, but through waves of freedom and respect for each other. I mean, yes, I wish us all love, freedom, and respect starting from each of us.